“Say ‘freeze’…”

Ever the opportunist, Bernard seized upon the good fortune of discovering an ‘abandoned’ piece of TV crew kit to begin working on a sure-fire money-spinner of a product idea: a whole advent calendar of penguins as festive characters (wonder where he came by that one…). Unfortunately, Mr. 20 December didn’t seem particularly game…


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Again, a bit of a rushed affair, but they are penguins and it is still 19 December… ūüėČ

Assuming that penguins are not accustomed to encountering celebrities as they waddle about their daily business, here is how I imagine they might be stopped in their tracks by a chance sighting of, arguably, the most famous penguin of 2014, namely Monty, of the John Lewis Christmas-advertising juggernaut:


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Holidays!! (for some of us, soon-ish… *beams*)

I warned you it wouldn’t be pretty… Well, here it is – a penguin chick in appropriately celebratory mood: school’s out!! (Almost… Just the small matter of our Final Crit presentation to negotiate… Hold tight, everyone!)



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Take 10…

If preparations (or the mere thought of them if, like me, you are already woefully behind the curve when it comes to such seasonal pursuits as card-writing and present-buying…) for Christmas are all getting a little too much, this one’s for you:

Now, I understand that – far from being a realm of solace – the Antarctic seas are a hunting ground, and one fraught with such perils as the dastardly leopard seal (as noted in¬†Monday’s post…) and killer whale, etc. However, I like to think (for the purposes of this little penguin-themed improvisation) that the chaps pictured here are enacting a time-honoured tradition familiar, I am sure, from many of our lives: the house is full of festively-frenzied womenfolk, all frantically attempting to conjure The Perfect Christmas Day/Dinner from the (patently inadequate) components to hand, and dad has fled to the pub – where he can slip into the cool, bubbly sanctuary of a Christmas pint. (I imagine it translates equally well to mums/lady-folk – and I probably invite merciless castigation from feminist-leaning types for not setting this out as an equally likely scenario from the outset – but, from my own narrow observation, the above-mentioned Christmas-kitchen-evacuation technique would seem ever so slightly more prevalent in the opposite sex… However, a twist on this – it should be noted – sees husband/boyfriend/partner charged with the responsibility of herding his father-in-law/equivalent off down the pub for the duration, thereby mitigating [or entirely reversing, depending on the amicability of in-law relations…] the original effect.)

Ahhhh... Sweet release!

Ahhhh… Sweet release!

I would just mention at this juncture that the quality of postings is likely to take a bit of a nose-dive (even from its current rather sub-standard level… Yikes!) over the next few days as there is the small matter of Final Crit for the MA (tomorrow…), followed by frenzied house-readying (I am an open book, as today’s illustration clearly demonstrates…) for our annual CrimboCon event this coming weekend. I am determined, however, to post something every day, so please avert your eyes (if you, as may quite easily be the case, you can’t stomach the awful drivel & scribble that appears here over the next few days) until normal service resumes (hopefully by Sunday…).

Happy Wednesday, y’all!

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Novelty Knitwear… ’tis the season!

I realise that¬†Christmas Jumper Day¬†was last Friday, but it takes a little time for such fixtures to filter their way through to the Antarctic regions, so I hope you’ll allow this rather belated festive-knits celebration a few days late…


To his colleagues’ delight, Bernard had fallen for the ‘Yeah, it’s Excruciatingly Awful Christmas Jumper Day at the office tomorrow’. Again.


The above¬†scenario might also function as a little cautionary reminder – now that we’re fully immersed in festive party season – to those contemplating attending any type of fancy dress/novelty-themed function: check all the facts before committing to, e.g., a multi-part Rudolf costume for a corporate party on the other side of town. Date, time and location have to be pretty high up there on list of important party information, but – depending whom your friends are – perhaps also that it definitely a fancy-dress occasion, i.e. that there will be people other than yourself kitted out in seasonal/comedy/themed garb… (Although, to be honest, this is probably [well, I’d err on the side of actual Christmas Day/New Year’s Eve, being a bit of a wimp…] the time of year when you could get away with extreme festive costuming, even if you are a bit short of seasonal sass…).

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Frozen fakery…

Not so much as a single flake of the white stuff here in Staines to promote Christmassy feeling – much less build any sort of sculpture – but this chap is turning perennially snowy conditions at the pole (I hope I have that right… *hastily consults primary school geography books*) to his advantage and adding the finishing touches (by which I mean ‘head’…) to an ingenious predator-decoy. With any luck, those dastardly leopard seals are entirely colour-blind and will be completely¬†fooled by this¬†icy version of a lost pup…

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14 December

It might seem like a smart strategy, buying and wrapping Christmas gifts months in advance, but such practise is not without its perils (as ably demonstrated by these two…):14-Dec

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